Am I David or Peter?
Last night I had a dream. In that dream, a man was going around my community and was killing off people by way of shooting them. Seemingly at random, this person would come out of nowhere to kill another person and just move on like it was some sort of game to them.
Fast forward in the dream to the point where I can pretty much see everyone he has killed at the time he killed them so I know what this fellow looks like. At one point, I’m not sure if I’m casually sitting somewhere or I’m in containment, but I’m sitting next to this man. We’re all chatting somewhat friendly like which leads me to believe we were in a more social setting, but out of the corner of my eye, I can see this man constantly fiddling with the gun on his hip and at one point, pulling it out briefly to show it off to a lady who was occupying him. At this point, I’m very alert at his every move, however I do still feel a sense of calm. I’m not exactly sure how things went down after that if we began to talk first or in the process of showing off the gun, he decided to be even more bold, but the next thing I know, the gun is pointing at me. Luckily for me, he was in no hurry as this seemed to entertain him as well as the woman he was with.
As I’m sitting here with a gun pointed directly at me, I begin to talk to the man. I want to know why he’s considering killing me as well as why he had killed the others already. Without a response, I then begin to ask him about his faith and had he ever heard about Jesus and the sacrifice he made for us. Many of the people around me I can sense are terribly frightened and want nothing more than for me to just shut up, listen to whatever he has to say, and hope that the guy will laugh it off with this lady and they will depart from us. At this moment, I begin to revel in myself as I think of the young shepherd David who took on the giant Goliath while all the soldiers standing behind him shook in their armor. As I kept trying to talk to this man, I said something at some point that must not have been what he wanted to hear and he intensified his demeanor as he raised the gun demandingly and pointed it sharply at me. Deep in my heart, I knew that if I were to go down right now, that everything would be alright because I know that Jesus is my savior so I didn’t want to back down on him. However, as the man did cock back his pistol pointed at me, I immediately began to fear for my own life and considered to shut my mouth and do whatever the man had said and drop this whole God thing. Beyond this, I’m not sure how much more we talked but I’m happy to inform you that before he could ever pull the trigger on me, I awoke from my sleep.
At the time during my dream, and after I had awoken and thought more about this dream, I felt the sense of self satisfaction initially as I discussed when the man first pointed the gun at me. I had faith in God, not that He would stop the bullet or the gun would jam or anything like that, but that He would be there to comfort me and that when I died He would be pleased with me for standing up for Him. Almost as soon as the man stiffened though with his gun pointing fiercely at me, I began to squander. I suddenly went from the brave hero in a young David, to Peter who claimed over and over as I have that I’m ready to embrace whatever this world may throw at me and if that means to die, then die it shall be. As we know, when the time came and Jesus was arrested, the people asked Peter if he was a follower of Jesus and Peter denied knowing Jesus three times. I felt like a coward, a traitor, and one of little faith.
This dream seemed all too real in the emotions I felt, which made me question if the time comes to sacrifice something of mine for Jesus, do I have the faith and love in Him to accept this sacrifice, whether it be something materialistic of this world or something as extreme as my life. Am I truly one who when the time comes and I am being persecuted for my faith, will be able to stand boldly and accept whatever punishment this world tries to throw at me, knowing that they can’t take away what only Jesus offers in eternal rest with Him? I always wonder if dreams such as these are mere coincidence, or if it’s God’s way of getting my attention. I can’t fool God; if I say my faith is strong yet He knows that I’ll crumble, maybe this was His way of showing me that hey, you might wanna check yourself before you wreck yourself. It is my desire that with God’s help, He will grant me the wisdom and the faith to be able to stand firm in Him at all the rough curbs in life, and that I may not buckle as Saul’s soldiers against the Philistines or as Peter denying Jesus three times whenever my faith is being tested.